Tuesday, 14 January 2014

Still Miss You 4 Years Later

Today marks 4 years since you passed away.

I find it amazing that 4 years has gone by and just interacting with those memories brings fresh tears. Especially at this time of year, which is always difficult despite the proximity of my birthday.

At the right times, in the right contexts I can talk about what happened less abstractly. But never in too much detail, because that brings back the more vivid feelings, the tense waiting, not knowing when things would be over and the terrible blow of the awful news. Especially the gap between the report of a death and the report of who died. The maths was terrible, and the implications of that desperate desire that the one who died was not one of your family.

I am sorry I don't talk about you that often, and that when I do it mostly is about your end, because there was a lot more to you than that. Unfortunately it really is hard to focus on the good times.

Regardless, I miss you Nick and I wish you were still here.

1 comment:

  1. Dominique Pardon Opdam14 January 2014 at 06:05

    Its 4am, I'm on the other side of the world and your beautiful words make me cry. We will always miss Nick and our thoughts and prayers are with all of you at this time especially.